whr s th lv?

dearest blog,

i have this insomic thingy again. i can't sleep. actually, i don't know whether i'm not sleeping now because of i can't sleep or i'm just sick of sleeping because i used to sleep like a buffalo recently. it has been such long weeks for me. i had many things that i wanna share to you. i dunno to whom i should talk in this hour except you. thx for being a loyal friend that always there whenever i wanna find you, never blame me when it's taking too long since i took a care of you back then, and the last is you never protest in anything that i have wrote. i owe you a big hug. ooh how i wish that i could hug you now.

among a lot things that have been happening lately, i wanna share you some about my love life. he, the one that has been my favorite to write about is not in a relationship with me anymore. this time, there is no more who is more right or more false in one another. this time, we knew that it was our false and maybe it's our time to realize that we're different, whether uncoincidencely we have a different kind of background and culture. bloggie, i dunno what should i do right know. i still love him, that's for sure. it's not easy to let someone that has been one of your priority in these two years just go away and turn back on you. no, it is hurt and it will be a big pain. and a thing again, breaking up is never easy to do. it takes risks. so, i guess i just go with the flow for not being stuck in some depression feeling. have some fun and still enjoying this life. my world is not going up side down, or even worst, end up because of this. ganbatte for me! and for everybody out there that may feel the same like i do.

My M

Dearest soul sister, in a sudden i'm just missing you a lil' bit more than i usually do. This time, it's not an easy time for me. I think i've just reach my limit for too many things, and i just missed our usual chit chat back there. I wish to tell you many things that has come and stopped by to my life recently or the ones who have just passed that away. It looks like many things here have changed on the day you left, and i just can't open my heart that easy and believe that somebody would care and know me like the way you do. I miss you E, i really do.

12:16 AM in my almost a month room

PS: you should see it C:

Dear blog, i'm sorry if i kind'a like abondoning you in such a time. i guess it's because of this hectic moments that came recently, an not forgotten for dear reader, actually i post this at my facebook acount first. then, i continue it to here. So, here i am still my almost a month room, but it's 1:25 AM now. Still, i can't sleep. Please go away unsleepiness, and come back here sleepy air.

A LIL' SURPRISE

Today is surprisingly good. Thx God! Actually, today i should meet someone that's important to me. But, apparently we had a fight and i decided myself for not seeing him for today until our situation is better. I commited that i was wrong. I'm sorry. I forgot something and we did have some miss communication back there. Double apology for that. Back there, i thought that today might be one of the unproductive day in my life. Unproductive which means i did nothing except breathing and eating to continue myself to live here still. But, it finally ended when i call someone to check whether she'll be here in any minute or not. Well, last night this girl and i made some appoinment to meet each other again in my house. Not yet i called her, one of my best friend asked me out to have some lunch and talk. But, after i explained few things to him, we agreed to have a meeting in the other day. C: Sorry N. Can't wait to see you in friday. Back again, so i finally called her and asked about her presence here, and she said that she would come. Hooray! A few minutes later, my lovely S arrive here. We had fun and talked things. :D We watch a cool movie, here's the link : http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/9ZrJqi/www.baekdal.com/design/logorama-pulp-fiction-for-brands/r:f. C: Watch it and you'll know why i, S, and S' boyfriend, A, like that. Thx S! My dearest S is not litterally

look alike like blow fish, but i called her that way in bahasa hehe. It's just a nick heart name actually. C: But, above there, there's a pict. of a blow fish if you never see it. Cute isn't it? C:

NOT JUST AN OPTIONAL

Leaving My Usual Path(?)

I don't wanna be your option, i wanna be the one who just popped out whenever you need someone to share with.

We used to be that close.

But, little by little you're apart from me in some way that you can't explain, and so can i.

What's wrong with us?

Did i do something wrong or else?

I've tried to speak to you, and it's not just once.

Where is your heart?

Do you still have it or you just go and throw it away as if you don't need it anymore?

I don't know, i just miss you somehow.

But, my life must go on and i need to leave you just like what you do to me (in a different purpose of course).

I guess i just don't *(need to) love you like i used to back there.

*Well E, i remember you when i write the last part. You always say not worth-to the-it everytime time i said something nicer about it. Thx! I guess maybe you're correct. :D

*Dearest blog, i can only talk to you in this moment. You know who i mean, and you know how much i need to express this thought and feeling. Thankyou.*

MAU APA?

"MAU..." - Helen Clara

lihatlah aku

lihatlah kamu

di mana kita sekarang?

apakah aku tahu?

apakah kamu tahu?

.....

aku berlari

kamu berlari

ke manakah kita berlari?

aku tersembap

kamu terjerembap

.....

aku tak mengerti

apakah kamu mengerti?

kita sudah haus

tergerus hingga aus

.....

tangisanku sengau

teriakanmu parau

apakah yang kita mau?

THNKS FR TH MMRS

Two days ago, i and a few of my family went to Bandung to say goodbye to my beloved cousin who's going to study there for college. Wonder who she is? She is my beloved E. c: First of all, you have to know is i am all alone since i was 15 years old. My lovely parents dumped me away from home to study better. Okay, they weren't dumped me for like dumped me you know, it's more like transferred me to another better place to study from my exact place. Then, since they did that, i have to leave my exact home and moved to another home here in Jakarta, which is my uncle and autie's home. Well for the truth, it has never been easy for not leaving with your parents, siblings, and old rules that you were used to be. Therefore, i usually made mistakes from the point of view of my new house members here and you can guess that chaos is mostly happen because of me. Me? I think the chaos that happened is not just because of me, i don't say this because i defend myself. But, it's because there're a few people in this house say so. For example like my super soulmate cousin, E and M. For the mostly time, they're the ones who explain to my adult house members about my thoughts. See! :D For the result is, i myself now is much more comfortable here and can communicate better in the house without them. But, even the house is much better than before, there's still some place in my heart that's wondering and searching for some love and happiness that i usually receive from my parents, brother, and oscar. :c It's not that the ones who're here now don't love me. It's just they're too conservative to show affection in touch and direct speech. I think that i just miss my usual way in showing and receiving affection in my real home. C': E is mostly there whenever i'm in "galau" mode : on because of whatever those are. She even let me hugged her when i needed some love an peace the most. I never not trusted her. I love her and successfully despite those situations that could make our relationship goes bad. Whatever with those adult attitudes nah! In the end of my word, i want to thank you for all those memories. c: Can't wait to see you again in Lebaran's Holiday hahaha. Be great there! See you! c:

PS : I had a fight with ** yesterday :c

*i'm gonna add some photos, maybe later on nah :D*

FINALLY!

FINALLY is a one word that's suitable for me at this moment haha. Well, it's been a while you know when i stopped writing in here again. The last time i wrote in here is about half a year ago. Sorry for my inconsistency in writing because mostly i don't give a time to stopped by and share things here. But from this moment, i'll try to be more often to come by and do some stuffs here, wink! c; Okay, now it's already 02.30 PM and i don't wanna skip my lunch. So, ciao! :x c: